“I’ve had a lot of really good days and I’m so glad. I’ve had a psychiatrist say to me, well for people with bipolar, times of ‘stability’ are just in between episodes and I hate that idea.” - me this morning in an email to a friend.
Honestly it has been an amazing few weeks; travel, dog adventures, home updates, side hustle revelations and a full moon. I can’t get into all of it, you’ll have to wait for my book for that (kinda joking, kinda serious).
I will share a few journal entries though.
Sept 22nd, Detroit Day 1 - 4:50PM
just got back from an 8 hour walk
SMS
to: kanika
09/22/2025 04:48pm
network super spotty
04:49pm
so am i lol just got
period
my bipolar is depressive → manic
everything opposite
I’m allergic to the solution
that’s suppose to heal me
weed helps
not hurts
It’s a slow & steady
progression
into mania
progression
into depression
What helps?
projects
water (being by it & drinking it)
sleep
Dolma my dog
What moon cycle are we in?
What cycle am I in?
What episode am I on?
We got rained on today then walked to Archer’s at the end of the riverwalk but it was closed because it’s Monday. Almost next door → Atwater Brewery. The sweetest waitress/bartender was there, KAT! So I told her about my Kat, my party Kat and party dog. I’m party dog <3 Ate a really good caesar chicken wrap and blue cheese dressing garden salad. omg they were awesome we chatted so much. I gave out my postcards and later got a sunglasses holder from a lil curio shop in Corktown. Bus didn’t let Dolma the dog in so had to hike back. Man it was perfect. Thank god I wasn’t wearing my white pants today.
05:05pm
SMS
to: sundus; sahar; kanika; nadine; noor saati; florence
09/22/2025 04:44pm (but that’s wrong, it was in the morning, look into flip phone clock)
morning! made it to Detroit last nite - yay.
gonna walk to and discover downtown
2day xo
Maybe it’s good to be a little more inaccessible
Hmm…
What do I mean by that. I guess it was just about exploring and not worrying how. Just walking and trusting god, trusting god.
SMS
from: raymond airbnb
09/22/2025 05:31PM
the river walk is great!
lots of new
development - parks
and architectural
delights
Sep 27th, Tune into cooperative purpose (journal prompt) - Peggy’s Cove, Nova Scotia
I want to humanize the bipolar. Make it both small + big
No idea or thought is worth keeping at my deathbed
Sep 28th, Peggy’s Cove Day 3 (by the lake)
so quiet I can hear & feel the blood rushing in my head
I get the lake vibes now
the containment
the shore
the crystal reflection of stillness
smoking my joint, I keep looking behind me
no, no one is coming
just enjoy the purple/blue morning sky and the quick moving fog over the lake
The only 2 people who need to know where I am, are a few meters away from me, fast asleep
I’m creating my own fog w/ the weed smoke
my own universe
away, away, away
find me elsewhere.
You’re safe
it’s funny it’s my brothers name
what’s in a name, would the rose with a different name, smell less sweet?
I’m paraphrasing of course.
What must I look like to Dolma?
a good mom? A steady force?
an absent, angry mother?
omg core memory created:
as I was opening the curtain near the telescope
I saw a beautiful, chunky
Blue Jay bird flying through the birch (?) trees
Sep 29th, Peggy’s Cove Day 4 - Journal
I said I’m not scared of mania anymore & that’s powerful
Pressure + Perception (journal prompt)
I kinda want to be hypomanic to write this book. To birth this literature.
xo,
r
